NorIce one shot: Alone

I'm alone. I'm always alone, and I figure I always will be. That's just how it works I guess. Everyone has a place; everyone knows where they belong, not me. Lost without anywhere to go, that's what I am. I can't be something in this world. I can only watch. Sometimes I question why someone like me even exists. No one needs me, so why am I here? I am ignored by everyone, even Mr. Puffin is ignoring me. It's been like this for months, alone.

I remember a long time ago there were people who needed me, and I needed them as well. Though I never showed it, they made me happy. I always felt alive when I was around them. Sure it was loud, and I couldn't stand most of them, but they were the people that were closest to me. Now they are gone. I don't know where they are, and I tell myself that I don't care either. I do care. They made me feel like I belonged. I care more than I will ever admit even to myself.

The one I miss the most, is my older brother Lucas. I miss him more than anything in the world. I was always so distant towards him. I regret that now. I wish I would have been honest with myself. After the DNA results came back, I refused to believe them. I didn't want to believe Lucas was my brother. I didn't want to believe anything. He is gone now, just like all the rest of them.

Though I hate to admit it, I miss Mathias as well. He may have been insane, but he always made me feel like I was where I belonged. Though none of us would ever admit it, he held us together. If it weren't for him we would have separated long ago.

Tino and Berwald will always be engraved in my mind like a message on a rock. Berwald was the serious one. He could always keep things in order with us. He didn't speak much, but he didn't need to. He was a very intimidating man. I suppose he still is. Tino was a very motherly type of person. He always knew the best way to make someone feel better, and I never saw him hurt anyone. He was such a good person. I hope he hasn't changed.

I miss all of them. I don't want to, but I do. I can't help it. They made me feel like I was going insane, and they made me feel like I belonged. They always made me feel happy inside, even if I refused to believe I was. I don't know how or why they left, I just woke up one morning and they were gone. I have felt empty ever since. Lonliness eats me away to nothing each day, and it is becoming to much to bear. I just want it All to end.
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I shoot up to a sitting position as soon as I wake up. I'm sweating though my entire body feels cold. Was it a dream, or was it reality? I don't know. I have one thought that flashes through my mind at this moment. 'You have to go see Lucas, now.' I look at the clock. It's around 4 a.m. In Norway, where Lucas is. I don't care. I have to see him. It won't take long for me to get to Norway. I guess watching Lucas practice his magic has it's perks.

Once I am dressed I leave a note on the counter for Mr. Puffin and run out the door. It's freezing outside, and I probably ran out in the middle of a blizzard. I don't care. I have only one thought, one goal. I run. I run until I can't run any farther. Now it's time for magic. Using a spell I learned from Lucas I am able to gain all of my energy back. I run more.

I'm not far from Lucas' house now. Using this thought to fuel my tired limbs, I run even faster. I've never run this fast in my life, but I have to see Lucas. I have to know it was only a dream, and not real. A part of me knows that it was only a silly dream, and that I should have stayed at home, gone back to sleep. Another part of me needs to know I was only dreaming. That is the part that is controlling me.

I see Lucas' house and pick up speed. When I reach the door I take a few moments to catch my breath before knocking loudly on the large wooden door. It's 5 in the morning here. Lucas is probably wondering what anyone could want at such an hour. When he opens the door he freezes. "Emil? Is that you?" He asks slowly. I nod and shiver in response. I'm not dressed very warmly, and I did just run for an hour through a blizzard. "What are you doing here?  Get inside, it's freezing out there." He says, herding me inside the house.

It's very warm inside Lucas' house, a nice alternative to the blizzard. Lucas brushes the snow off of my head and shoulders, making large white piles of it on the floor. I'm shaking uncontrollably. "Emil what happened?" He asked, sounding concerned even though his face remains emotionless as always. I just continue to stand there, shaking. I can't speak. I can only look at him.

To his surprise, I hug him. It was a dream. It was only a dream. Hot tears cloud my vision as I cling to him like a scared child. My body is freezing, and I'm covered in ice. For a moment he just stands there, unsure if what to do, then, a lively smile in his eyes, he returns the hug. He still doesn't know why I'm here, or why I would come here at this hour through a blizzard, but right now, it doesn't matter.

After a while I pull away from him. I am considerably warmer now too. "Why did you come here Emil?" He asks, concern lacing his voice yet again. I then sit down and proceed to tell him a out my dream. After I have finished be is silent for a minute. Then he says: "why did you come to me? You could have gone to any of them. You could have gone to Mathias if you wanted to! Why did you come here?" I am silent for a moment, then, in an almost inaudable voice I answer: "Because I… I love you… big brother." He hears me all the same. For a moment he is silent, trying to process what I have just told him. I don't show emotion, ever. Then he breaks into one of his rare smiles. "I love you too little brother."